


all that you're scared to defend (i want it all)

by leowritestuff



Series: Unpack Your Heart [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Aromantic Keith (Voltron), Background Poly, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, M/M, Polyamorous Character, Queerplatonic Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:19:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26709655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leowritestuff/pseuds/leowritestuff
Summary: Sometimes Keith has a hard time in his relationship with Lance, but things always turn out okay.--Or in which Keith admits he's afraid Lance loves him less.--Author is aromantic and polyamorous.
Relationships: Keith/Lance (Voltron), Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Series: Unpack Your Heart [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1943776
Comments: 1
Kudos: 49





	all that you're scared to defend (i want it all)

**Author's Note:**

> Obligary reference to Unpack Your Heart by Phillip Phillips in fic title because that's basically my go to Klance song apparently. 
> 
> \-- 
> 
> Lance is also in a relationship with Allura and that's important to the fic, even if it's only mentioned and not shown directly. I want to remind others the I am polyamorous myself and this isn't any sort of negativity against polyamory (or any excuse to be against it), and rather just,,, me working through some feelings of mine through Keith. (This is filtered to be more through Keith's lens anyways though) 
> 
> \-- 
> 
> This is technically set post canon but ignoring like nearly everything in canon? Basically Allura never died and her and Lance actually had development. But like, Lance and Keith live on earth and stuff so. There's that.

It's not that Keith didn't agree to this. He did. He absolutely did. And not just because he felt like he had to- but because he generally wanted to. He loved Lance, he loved him a lot. And Keith knew Lance was polyamorous, had known when he agreed to be in a relationship with him. It felt better, even, knowing their relationship was open. Keith would probably never want to be in a relationship with anyone else- he wasn't poly (but he didn't really consider himself monogamous either), but that's mostly because Keith never really wanted to be in a relationship in the first place, sorta. He had thought about it, fantasized, but it always seemed more trouble than it was worth.

Then Lance snuck up behind him and sweep him off his feet.

Knowing Lance was polyamorous was a breath of fresh air to Keith. He wouldn't be Lance's. He wouldn't... belong to him. It was easier too, dating someone polyamorous being aro, because how different the two identities seemed to be, well, neither of them did relationships right in the eyes of society.

So Keith knew what he was getting into. He signed up for this. He wanted this.

But it didn't help his stomach from becoming sick as Lance flirted with Allura.

Keith didn't stay to wait on Lance, he didn't want to see it. So he turned his motorcycle around, trying to go so fast he could outrun his feelings-

And left Lance with Allura, vaguely hoping Allura would bring Lance home and that Lance wouldn't be be mad at him for leaving him there.

And left Lance with Allura, hoping, fantasizing, vaguely that he'd never have to see Allura again. Or Lance again. Keith didn't know.

\--

The door opened. It _slammed_. Keith flinched.

(Okay, it didn't slam. It closed, like normal. But Keith had been expecting a slam, so that's what he heard.)

"Keith!" Lance before stomping his way down the hall. (Dramatically, performative. Not actually furious.)

Lance threw himself on the bed next to Keith and whined, pouting.

At Lance's plop, Keith flinched, staring blankly at his phone screen. He couldn't even register what was on it.

Lance pulled back,"Keith?"

Keith wanted to follow after him, anything for his attention. He didn't move.

"Keith, cariño, are you okay?" Lance asked gently, propping himself up on his arm.

"Fine," Keith snapped.

Lance crossed his arms, and gave Keith a look. "You don't seem fine."

Keith sunk into the bed, letting his phone fall on him. He didn't answer.

"Keiith, come on, you know you can talk to me,"Lance laid back on the bed, scooching a bit closer to Keith.

Keith looked the other way. 

Then looked back, once, only to meet Lance's puppy eyes.

Keith sighed,"I don't want to seem like a dick."

"But I already think you're a dick," Lance responded.

Keith flinched, and looked away from Lance. He knew Lance didn't mean it like that, but fuck if it didn't sting. It felt like his heart was stabbed.

"Sorry that- that wasn't what I meant." Lance paused, re-adjusting his pillows. "I don't- I want you to talk to me. You're feeling bad, and I want to help you."

_Even though you wouldn't like the answer?_ Keith felt tempted to ask. What was Keith supposed to say? He didn't like Lance dating Allura? Even though Keith already agreed to it? Even though Keith knew how much Allura meant to him- knew how much his relationship with her meant to him.

Knew how much weight, how much fear, Lance had carried from relationships where his partner claimed to be okay with poly but... weren't, to say the least.

Lance would hate him. Lance wouldn't want anything to do with him.

"I didn't like seeing you with Allura," Keith states, cold.

Maybe Lance would dump him, and Keith wouldn't have to deal with this anymore. Maybe Keith deserved it.

(He knew, intellectually, that Keith didn't. That he was sabatoging himself, that he was being self-destructive again. That he really wanted to stay with Lance.

And maybe it wasn't that Keith didn't like Lance's relationship with Allura. Maybe he was afraid that Lance loved Allura more...

And loved Keith less.)

Lance stills. His eyes go wide, and he swallows. He tries- Lance tries, Keith can see it- to school his expression but the fear still shows. Keith feels heavy, dread sinking in his stomach. He knew this would happen- he knew-

"Why?" Whispers Lance, his voice fragile.

...Keith didn't know how to answer.

It catches him off guard. Keith doesn't know what to expect, Lance yelling at him maybe, kicking him out, _something_ (Lance isn't like that, Keith knows. Lance can be difficult and annoying and arrogant and insensitive but he's not cruel. He's never ever been cruel.)

But Keith wasn't expecting Lance to want to know _why_.

"I-" Keith starts, and the words die in his throat.

"I thought you liked Allura..." Lance says finally, breaking the silence between them. A silent voice screams, _I thought you where okay with this._

Lance looks so sad, and so scared. Because of him. A voice inside Keith scoffs at himself. _You said you where going to be a dick and look, you where right._

"I do," Keith responses automatically. "She's great." He isn't lying.

"Then what's the problem?" Lance says, but he doesn't really ask. _Polyamory_ , Keith assumes, it what Lance believes to be the answer.

He's going to have to tell the truth, isn't he? It scares Keith so much, to be open about this. To open his heart to Lance. But he has to fix this mess. Lance deserves better than Keith's self destructive tendencies. He knew better, than to say anything. He knew _better_. Keith doesn't want any of this to stop.

(And maybe, also, a part of him trusts Lance with this. Or wants to. To take that leap of faith, and allow himself to be _vulnerable_.)

"...She's great," Keith answers. Lance looks at him in confusion. "She's amazing, and you love her a lot."

"...I'm not really following," Lance says quietly.

"...More than me."

A beat. Silence passes. Lance is staring at Keith. Keith's heart is racing. He doesn't know what to do. Doesn't know what to say. This is it. This is it. He's going to lose him- he's going lose _Lance_.

"You think that?" Lance says finally, _finally_. "You think I love Allura more than you?" Lance's voice sounds like its breaking.

"It's not rational." Keith responds immediately, because he knows. He's known this entire damn time. He's known, all the way back to the Kerberos mission, the fear he's had wasn't rational. That Shiro would decide he loved space more than he ever loved Keith, and just leave forever.

And that's why Keith knows it isn't about Lance's polyamory at all.

"But you still think that?" Lance asks, voice high-pitched and edging with something-

Keith can't bring himself to say any words, so he nods slow and sincere.

"I'm so so sorry- whatever I did to make you think that I-" Lance starts to say before Keith cuts him off.

"You didn't _do_ anything, Lance." Keith says,"You spent time with your girlfriend and I got-" and Keith freezes, forces himself to say it," -I got _scared_ ," Keith stops, and takes a breathe. "I got scared, because I've never had anyone stay."

"Oh," Lance breathes. "I knew- we talked about- " 

He stops. 

"I didn't think it would affect," Lance gestures between him, Keith, and a random spot near them who's supposed to represent Allura,"this."

"...I didn't think about it either." Keith adds, admits.

Lance scooches a bit closer on the bed, and rests his hand on Keith's arm. Keith freezes, unsure, before it registers. That this is Lance. That he's safe. And Keith melts into the touch.

"I love you, so so much Keith. Just because I love Allura so much doesn't mean I don't love you. It doesn't mean I love you any less. You mean the world to me okay?"

Tears well up in Keith's eyes.

"Okay." Keith smiles, and rests his hand on Lance's.

They're not perfect. They're not going to ever be perfect.

But they love each other. And slowly, carefully, they're trusting each other.

They're not perfect, but they're good.

And for Keith, that's okay. 

It's exactly what he needs.


End file.
